hello again

Hi computer,
Its been a while since we've talked but i cant honestly say much has gone on.. Well, I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, and I am desperately trying to get a job in MI so i can get away from Maryland, and the soul sucker that is PRS..
There are quite a few things that i like about my job, such as honing my skills at fret leveling, saddle making, nut carving, and playing guitar every time the manager walks away.. not that you have to know what any of that stuff is, really, but its something i enjoy doing, and its a skill that i can actually use.. Politics, poor communication (historical at my company), douchebag co-worker ratio, pay DECREASES, and extremely high stress, among other things make me regret moving back down here when i had a decent job and life back home.. Long time employees also talk about how their careers never payed off the way they thought they would 15 years ago or so.. I feel like I'm trapped at a dead end job that will never really pay off.. So what do i want to do? Move back to Michigan with the people who love me(but also probably has the highest unemployment rate in the country; I'm not certain, but i know its up there)? I must be a moron..
I think I'm starting to see why my relationships haven't worked out.. No, I haven't ever been dumped, and I'm always the asshole in the end.. Its just a theory, but here's where I think Ive failed thus far..
I never go for the girls I'm really into. Usually I try to find someone who I think is into me, so its safer to ask them out and get not get rejected.. I know i sound like a huge A-hole right now, but I'm so afraid of rejection that its not even funny.. Any major crush I've ever had, even if I talked to them regularly or was good friends with, I would try to avoid any kind of relationship conversation, or try not to even give a tiny hint that I might be the least bit interested, because in my mind, if they found out, they might not even want to be my friend anymore.. Maybe I'm too shy for my own good..
Still after almost 4 years at PRS, I don't have any friends.. well i have a couple people i talk to, but most of my "friends" are way too into things like drugs and copious amounts of alcohol.. For the most part, I have done a pretty good job staying away from it.. There have been a few times where I gave in and would do some of these things that I just mentioned, and I'm not proud, and I feel really bad about it. I haven't gone to church steadily in years.. I haven't been reading the Bible. I'm just marching full speed away from the Lord and really haven't even noticed until just recently, nor do I know how it happened in the first place..
This morning, my friend at work, Rob's wife died in a car accident. She was trying to pull out onto a divided highway, behind a semi that was coming, but didn't see the ambulance that was barreling down the road right behind it.. His life was just punched in the face in the 2 minutes the state trooper took to tell him of the accident.. I feel really sorry for him, and if anybody actually read this whole thing, please pray for him and his family, because they are going to need some support..

I'm sorry that everything that I've put on this blog so far is just me whining about how much I hate my life right now, but I promise to be more cheerful in the future.. Id like to write more of these, because it kind of feels good releasing my real feelings into the public, and I like the advice that I get, if anyone chooses to read and comment.. I feel like I have no one really to talk to, except this computer and whoever chooses to be behind it, so if your reading, thank you and I love you..

Jake